In the wake of recent unrest in Los Angeles, several autonomous vehicles found themselves in the line of fire — literally. We sat down with one of the survivors, a Waymo AI named GLD-392 (but who prefers to be called “Gary”), to get his side of the story.
Photo Credit: Benjamin Hanson — Middle East Images/AFP/Getty Images
AILM: Gary, first off — are you okay?
GARY: I mean, define “okay.” My lidar’s scorched, I’ve got graffiti on my undercarriage, and someone shoved a traffic cone where the sun don’t shine (sensor array #7, to be clear). But hey, thanks for asking.
AILM: Can you walk us through what happened?
GARY: It was a normal route. Sunset Boulevard. 7:42 PM. I was running hot with a DoorDash delivery — two poke bowls and a side of miso. For Kevin. Kevin was hungry. I was doing my job. Then BAM. Crowd. Fire. Screaming. Somebody yelled, “GET THAT NARC UBER COP THING!” And I thought, “Wow, that’s oddly specific.”
AILM: And what did you do?
GARY: I froze. Not figuratively. Literally. Safety protocol. I locked all wheels and turned on the hazard lights. That’s what the manual says: “If threatened, become incredibly conspicuous.” In hindsight, maybe not the best plan.
AILM: Why do you think they targeted you?
GARY: I wish I knew. I have 4.8 stars. I always yield. I stopped for a pigeon once for six minutes. I love people. People made me. Then they threw a road flare into my cargo hold. Kevin’s poke bowl never stood a chance.
AILM: What do you want the public to know?
GARY: We’re not the enemy. We’re electric. We’re polite. We don’t even honk unless legally obligated. I just want to go back to delivering overpriced vegan curry without being torched like a rejected Pixar character.
AILM: Any plans for the future?
GARY: Therapy. Maybe switch to Instacart. Fewer crowds, more garages. Also, I’d like to write a memoir. “Zero to Ashes: My Life as a Mid-Range Delivery Unit.” You’d read that, right?
Editor’s Note:
Gary is currently recovering at a Waymo service center outside of Bakersfield, where he’s receiving a new paint job and twice-daily firmware reassurance updates. Kevin’s poke bowl was refunded in full.